Over the last few weeks; I’ve been struggling to put to words my thoughts and feelings of this recent Journey cross country, in an effort of facing the demons from my past. I have been aimlessly wandering from project to project, lunch date to activity trying to forget about my feelings of loss and lack of clarity that lies ahead…
Author: Bonnie Walker
Why- Oh- Why They Ask?
I’ve been known to come up with some real crazy ideas, and this is probably one that likely takes the cake. Yet I never really understood why I can become so hyper focused on things to the point that others looking into my world may not understand. Yet as I continue to embark on this journey of healing, I find…
The Daunting Aftermath
I have struggled these last excruciating months to find the strength to put to words my latest trigger. Why have I had such a difficult time on this particular trigger: Because it shows up in my dreams, in replay motion over, and over, and over again. It doesn’t stop, it doesn’t change and it is what I think can really…
I Am Not Alone- I Am Not Broken
After years of therapy in the VA system and the private sector, I had that moment. That moment when I experience a complete 360 degree turn in the direction of my life. My roller coaster that came to an abrupt stop. I’ve always have tried to live by the importance of honesty in my life. I’ve taught my daughters that…
Have you ever just thought and wondered~ What if this never happened?
Have you ever just thought and wondered: What If this never happened? What would I be like if I had never been assaulted? Where would my life be today? Would I have kids, would I be married? Would I be struggling like I do each day to motivate myself to get up, shower, take my meds and try to engage…
The Daily Challenges I Face Each Day
Since remembering my trauma and all the emotions that come with it, my life is one that I had never would have imagined for myself. At any moment my heart could start racing with the mere thought of going to bed, sometimes at the shear fear of having night mares and flash backs of my assault. Just to sleep I…
So Fast Forward to This Moment in My Life
So fast forward to this moment in my life. The biggest question that I have struggled with: Where do I go now that I have come to realize that my life isn’t what I had imagined when I was in my younger years. I remember just looking at my husband the other day and starting to cry. Why you ask?…
My Epilogue ~ After The Fateful Night Everything Changed… Now What?
I called my mom approximated 5 days after that night. I asked her to swear not to say a word to my dad. She told me to go to medical, report it and I did. After tears, crying and speaking to the woman, another individual came into that room. Together they told me that if report the assault, I would…
Why Do I Make Myself Vulnerable?
Why do I make myself vulnerable? I have given myself a voice. Given myself permission to own what’s happened to me. To take back control. I will never have the opportunity to face my accusers, never have the opportunity to ask them – Why? I can only try to create in my thoughts, their motives and reasons. Am I angry,…
The Fateful Night That Everything Changed- (as written for my therapy session)
(I am angry that I have to do this) My girlfriends walked over to get me out of the house, because my boyfriend Nathen had been deployed and I was in the dumps with him being gone. I was sad and didn’t want to go out and do anything. I just wanted to stay in my room, and eat cookies…